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[Theme song plays]

Eugene: They've been at it for awhile. What could they be talking about!?

Cassandra: Shh! I'm trying to eavesdrop!

Lance: You know I can read lips, right? Follow..your dust...to me.

Rapunzel: Follow my destiny? How is this supposed to tell me m destiny if I can't read it?

Adira: Find your next scroll piece at the Spire. And the Keeper will take you to it.

[they arrive at the Spire]

Eugene: Is this it? The Keeper's place?

Rapunzel: Let's find out.

Cassandra: Stay together.

Eugene: Well, we are on a narrow, elevated road, so I'm not seeing too many other options.

Cassandra: It's too quiet. I don't like it.

[roar]

Lance: What is that?!

Rapunzel: Hang in there, buddy. [opens door] uh... hello? H-hi. My name is Rapunzel.

Lance: [nervously] And I'm Lance...

Rapunzel: And I am looking for the-

Calliope: [dramatically] Keeper of the Spire? Look no further. I am the Keeper- [coughing fit] swallowed a moth...again. Let me start over. I am the Keeper of the Spire! But you can call me...Calliope.

Eugene: Not what I expected, but okay.

Calliope: So...what can the Keeper do for you?

Rapunzel: Actually, you see...I heard you might be able to help me.

Calliope: As keeper of the spire, I have been entrusted wardship of the Spire's artifacts. It is my sworn duty to prevent these items from falling into the wrong hands, and to protect them from the outside world. Or in some cases...protect the outside world from them! So...I'm kinda prestigious.

Rapunzel: Oh! Wow! That is impressive! So....I heard you could help me get the third piece of a scroll.

Calliope: Which scroll? There's the scroll of Danbury, uh...the Pavel scroll, the scroll of Tanngeer, which isn't technically a scroll, more of a brochure.

Rapunzel: Oh! This one.

Calliope: ohoho...that scroll. That's in the spire's vault.

Rapunzel: Great! So, where is the Spire's vault?

Calliope: Spire.

Rapunzel: Excuse me?

Calliope: It's pronounced Spire. It comes from Speira. It's Latin, which is another language that I actually speak.

Rapunzel: Oh. Yeah. Got it. Where is the Spire's vault?

Calliope: No, no, no, Spy-re. Do you hear the difference?

Rapunzel: Spy-yer.

Calliope: Spyyerr.

Rapunzel: Spai-yer.

Calliope: [grabbing Rapunzel's face] Like this. Spy-yer! Spy-yerrr!

Cassandra: [very exasperated] DO YOU HAVE THE SCROLL OR NOT?!

Rapunzel: Cass! Please!

Calliope: No, I get it. Moms can be impatient.

Cassandra: MOM?! I'm FOUR YEARS older than her!

Calliope: Oh. I saw the crow's feet and I just assumed.

Lance: [laughing] [clears throat] swallowed a moth.

Calliope: at least your head isn't as weird as his. Hey slowpokes, let's go! [clears throat] This is the library! And yes, I've read all these books, if you're wondering. I just had to grab the vault's map. The Spire's vault holds hundreds of the rarest, most abstruse artifacts from all over the globe. [gasp] I noticed you were eyeing my linking rings. I am something of a master illusionist! Ha ha. Tada! [The rings fall out of her sleeve}

Rapunzel: [slow clapping]

Eugene: Uh, no.

Calliope: Thank you. Did I hear someone say encore?

Cassandra: You most certainly did not.

Rapunzel: Cass! It's just one more trick. What's the harm?

Calliope: Behold the magic of flight! Yes! And now...for my next trick...

Eugene: NO! NO MORE TRICKS! uh--no more tricks, because these tricks blew my mind! [laughs] We need sometime to process all the spectacle and wonderment.

Cassandra: Yes! Yes, in fact, Rapunzel, would you care to join us in processing? Outside? Now?

[outside]

Cassandra: Make her give us the scroll, and let's get out of here. She's the most annoying person I've ever met, and look who I am friends with!

Lance: Wait, we're friends?

Eugene: Cassandra, relax. Now I know Calliope is insanely irritating, but we're talking about Rapunzel here. She doesn't even know how to get annoyed with people! I mean look at that fa- Oh no, she's annoying you, isn't she?

Rapunzel: No! No, she's not annoying, she's just different. Besides, doesn't matter what I think. She's gonna give us the scroll soon, and we will be on our way.

Calliope: Okay! We're all set! I can get you that third piece.

Rapunzel: Great! So where's the--

Calliope: Well! bon soir!

Rapunzel: Wait, what?

Calliope: It's French. It means "I'm off to bed".

Rapunzel: But..I thought we were going to get the scroll from the vault.

Calliope: [laughs] Oh no, silly girl! It's all the way on top of a mountain, in a vault called "the Spire".

Rapunzel: But then we'll--

Calliope: It's a full day climb. I'll need a good night's rest before I take that on. Hence, bonsoir.

Rapunzel: No, we really weren't expecting to- mmh. Okay! So...I guess we'll just cam out here! Without a caravan. Or a tent.

Eugene: Still don't think she's annoying?

[it starts raining]

Eugene: How about now?

Calliope: Come on, come on, come on, come on! Like this! Left, right, left, right, left, right! If we're gonna get to the top of that Spire, we have to PICK UP THE PACE! Let's go, we're burning daylight, people!

Lance: You guys go ahead, I'm--I'm gonna stay here for awhile.

Rapunzel: Come on, guys! It's a new day! Let's give Calliope a chance.

Calliope: Let's go, maggots!

Rapunzel: [chuckles awkwardly] [sigh]

Eugene: Listen, Blondie, why don't you hang in the back of the group. Let Cass and me be your irritation buffer. We've got more experience being annoyed with people.

Cassandra: I have experience being annoyed with you.

Rapunzel: For the last time, I'm not annoyed with her! I'm just getting to know her! 'Cause I'm sure behind her eccentric, somewhat pretentious, clearly inconsiderate know it all and thinks she's so much better than everybody else exterior, there has to be some shred of human decency, right? But I am NOT annoyed with her.

Lance: Hold up, hold up, hold up, princess. I think I got something that just might help. This is socky. My stress reliever. Whenever I feel pressure, I just squeeze old socky, and woop! Cool as a cucumber.

Rapunzel: Does it really work?

Lance: It's why you see this free easy spirit standing before you today.

Rapunzel: Well, thank you, Lance, but uh, I don't think I'm gonna need this.

Calliope: [shouting] Where's my hustle, people?

Eugene: I think you might need it.

Calliope: You will notice this path of--KEEP UP, PEOPLE!--of indigenous rocks was created by the..

[roar]

Calliope: Here. [takes sword from Rapunzel] Here. You're doing it wrong. [sword goes flying]

Cassandra: UGH! My sword! [growls at calliope]

Calliope: Rapunzel's palm sweat made it slippery. Nice job, Rapunzel.

[climbing a cliff using Rapunzel's hair]

Calliope: HEY! Watch it up there, you ding dongs!

Rapunzel: Please tell me we're near the top of the spire.

Calliope: Et voila! That's french for "There it is!"

Rapunzel: Wait, wait wait! That looks like poison elm. we should probably go around.

Calliope: I'm sure if there was poison elm on this spire, I'd know.

Lance: Ah! Ah! Itchy! Why? WHY?!

Cass: And...there it is.

Calliope: Now, can we just go around? Like I suggested before "palm sweat" got involved?!

[Rapunzel squeezes socky so hard that he pops]

Lance: Socky! Nooo!

Rapunzel: Sorry...

Lance: Oh, come on. There had to be a safer way up this thing.

[roar]

Lance: [terrified gasp] I don't know what that was, but I don't wanna run into it.

Rapunzel: Almost there! Um...Calliope? Is something wrong?

Calliope: No! No, I just, uh...[mumbles] went the wrong way.

Rapunzel: What? What? I--I can't hear you.

Calliope: I said this is...the wrong way...?

Cass: [angry] You took us...THE WRONG WAY?!

Calliope: No...no...It wasn't my fault, there were--

[roar]

Calliope: [gasp] it's real! The protector of the Spire! The Kurloc!

Rapunzel: Uh, Calliope, what do we do?

Calliope: [muttering, shuddering] ...Kurloc...

[roar]

Eugene: I'm gonna go with RUN!

Rapunzel: Calliope, come on!

Calliope: [screams] GO AWAY!

Rapunzel: I don't think he's listening!

Eugene: This way!

All: [sigh of relief]

Calliope: that was a close one! Huh, guys? [chuckles nervously]

Calliope: [enunciating] The Kirlock. You have to pay attention. [clears throat] Well, then. The Keeper of the Spire needs to, uh… recollect her thoughts and strategize our next move- ow.

[Rapunzel, Eugene and Cass talk privately]

Cassandra: We have to get rid of her. She has no idea what she’s doing.

Rapunzel: Cass, we can’t. We need her to get into the vault!

Eugene: Your call, sunshine.

Lance: Oh yeah! That’s the spot! Whoo! Sweet relief! [grunting] … Huh?

Rapunzel: Calliope has gotten us this far.

Cassandra: Shorty could’ve gotten us this far.

Lance: [coughing and laughing triumphantly] Lance! You’ve done it again!

Eugene: Good job, buddy!

Lance: Well, you know. I just put my back into it, and it just magically appeared.

Calliope: Oh-ho! Great! Looks like I found a way out of here.

Rapunzel: Wait a minute. We made it! This is the top of the Spire!

Calliope: IT IS?! I mean, of course it is. And I got us here.

Rapunzel: [angrily] Yeah. You sure did.

Calliope: Let me just find that key and we’ll get that scroll. [groans] Ugh! It’s never the first one you try! Or second… Or third… Oh, these must’ve gotten rearranged when I was fending off Kirlok.

[Raps notices giant footprint on ground]

Rapunzel: Uh, speaking of the Kirlok…

Eugene: I don’t like the looks of that!

Lance: Oh, that’s bad.

Rapunzel: Uh, guys? I think this is its home.

[roar]

Cass: Uh, you think?

Eugene: Uh, Calliope! Now would be a great time to get that door open!

Calliope: I’m trying! Oh, come on! Come on, key. I’m trying!

Lance: Socky! I need you!

Cassandra: Open the door! Now!

Calliope: I don’t know which is the right key!

Rapunzel: Watch out!

Rapunzel: WHAT DO YOU MEAN?! YOU'RE THE KEEPER OF THE SPIRE! How could you not know which is the right key?!

Calliope: Because I— I’m not the real keeper of the Spire.

Rapunzel: ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU'RE NOT THE KEEPER?

[roar]

Eugene: Uh, Rapunzel, you might want to—

Rapunzel: Stay out of this, Eugene!

Cassandra: Guys! Watch out!

Eugene: You know, for a 2,000 pound flesh eater he is quite nimble!

Rapunzel: Guys! The trees!

Calliope: [laughing] We made it! ...Oh, right. Uh, I lied to you. Now, I can explain.

Rapunzel: Yeah, I’m sure you can...in 12 languages, no doubt. Listen, I don’t know who you are, but I trusted you! And I had to ensure your condescension, and— and your insults, and I went against my better judgement all because you said that you were the Keeper of the Spire!

Calliope: It’s Spy-err.

Rapunzel: Ughhh!

Calliope: Sorry.

Rapunzel: Who are you?

Calliope: I’m the Keeper’s assistant. Or at least, I used to be. Before that, I was just an incredibly talented street magician. I would perform my tricks in front of hundreds of people. Eh, well, not really. It wasn’t always appreciated. Then one day, the Keeper, the real Keeper came up to me, out of the blue, and asked me to be his apprentice! I had purpose, and I didn’t want to mess it up. I wanted to learn everything I could about the Spire. I had to. It was going well, or at least I thought it was. But a few months ago, the Keeper just disappeared. And once again, I had no purpose. That is, until you came along. Seeing you, someone with such a clear purpose, inspired me. Maybe I could be the Keeper. Maybe I could help you get that scroll.

Rapunzel: Why didn’t you just tell us you weren’t the Keeper?

Calliope: Would you have accepted help from an apprentice? Especially if you knew she was abandoned by her own master?

Rapunzel: I don’t know, but we probably wouldn’t be up this tree right now.

Calliope: That’s actually a really good point.

Rapunzel: Calliope… I still need that scroll piece.

Calliope: And I still have one key I haven’t tried.

Eugene: Great! That’s great news! Why don’t you use it to unlock the door before that thing comes back?

[roar]

Eugene: I specifically said “before the thing comes back!”

Cassandra: Gotta give it points for persistence.

Lance: I’ll give it more points for letting us go nice and easy.

[roar]

Lance: That’s a lot of points you just lost!

Rapunzel: We have to get it away from the door. Ideas, anybody?

Calliope: Don't look at me. I’m just a failed magician. If it doesn’t involve flash, panache and a sleight of hand, then I’m pretty much… wait a second. Guys? I think I have an idea.

Calliope: [dramatically] Kirlok, Protector of the Spire! It is I, Calliope! [stammering] Uh, Apprentice of the Keeper of the Spire, and legerdemain artiste extraordinaire. And do you know what time it is? Time for wonder! [chuckles] Haha! Yoo Hoo! Et voila! That’s French for “There it is!” Ehh? Boop. Come on! Almost there! [panting]

Rapunzel: Now!

Lance: Try not to scratch! You’ll regret it.

Rapunzel: Nice job facing the Kirlok, Calliope. And those tricks weren’t so bad either.

Calliope: oh, there’s more where that came from. Just an ordinary coin, right? [giggles]

Rapunzel: Yeah, hmm, maybe later.

Rapunzel: The third scroll piece. And you got us here. You did it!

Keeper: And I couldn’t be more proud.

Calliope: [gasps] Keeper! [giggles]

Keeper: Calliope, you are now the Keeper of the Spire. You passed my test. Congratulations!

Calliope: Wha— what? I don’t understand.

Keeper: I’m sorry for leaving you, but I had to remind you why I chose you in the first place.

Calliope: Why did you choose me?

Keeper: Your perseverance.

Calliope: [gasps]

Keeper: This is the skill a Keeper of such great artifacts must call upon in the face of adversity. And you did it! Not only with the Kirlok, but when you performed in front of a… aggressively indifferent crowd.

Calliope: Mmm, their minds were too blown to clap. That’s all.

Keeper: You persevered, Calliope.

Rapunzel: Wait. There had to be an easier way to teach her that lesson. That beast thing almost killed us.

Keeper: [laughing] The Kirlok? He’s actually a loyal pet. As you will see, when you train your own.

Calliope: [gasps] Aw!

Keeper: Do keep him away from the furniture.

Calliope: Thank you, Rapunzel. Thank you for everything.

Rapunzel: I’m glad you found what you were looking for.

Cassandra: Too bad you couldn’t find my sword.

Calliope: Oh, didn’t I? Haha! Made you look [laughs] Oh, you should see the expression on your face right now!

Eugene: And when she’s making that expression it means we should go.

Calliope: Oh, okay, then! Goodbye, and good luck with the scroll!

[back at the caravan]

Rapunzel: We went through a lot of trouble for this.

Lance: It better be one amazing scroll. That’s all I gotta say.

Rapunzel: Let’s see what we got.

Eugene: A guy in a hood? All this for a guy in a hood?!

Cassandra: Who do you think he is?

Rapunzel: I’m not sure. But I have a feeling we’re going to find out.

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